Pikachu Speaks
by Philosophical Pandora
Summary: Ash, Misty and Brock take a trip to Sinnoh. While they're finding Pokemon, Pikachu suddenly speaks! Crackfic! Rated M for bad language.


**This is a crackfic. Which means... it's very retarded and outrageous. **

Ash and Misty walked around Jubilife City. They had heard amazing things about Sinnoh and decided to check it out for themselves. Brock decided to stay a bit longer at the Pokemon Center, for a reason that we all know. After a bit of chatting with Jubilife's people, Ash and Misty wandered north of Jubilife. Walking through the grass, a wild Bidoof jumped out.

"Go, Pikachu! I choose you!" Ash threw out the pokeball and out popped Pikachu, his number one favorite Pokemon. After careful consideration, Ash decided he wouldn't catch it. "Slam!"

Pikachu didn't move.

"What?"

The Bidoof tried to tackle Pikachu, but Pikachu simply moved aside, letting the wild Pokemon hit the ground.

"Pikachu!" Ash repeated, "Slam!"

Pikachu stood on its hind legs, its back faced to Ash.

"What's wrong!" Ash said, a bit worried. "Why won't you listen to me, Pikachu?"

"A-Ash..." Misty said, "Maybe Pikachu just doesn't feel good today..."

"Pikachu! You don't feel good, do you?"

Silence.

Pikachu exhaled deeply and was obviously irritated. Usually, the cute yellow rodent's sighs were adorable, like a baby burping. However, this one was very pissed off. "You two just don't get it..." Pikachu crossed its arms, well, a better word for it would be front paws.

"What?" Ash said, a bit freaked out. "D-D-Did you just speak, Pikachu?"

Misty gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. She was at a loss for words.

Just then, Rock appeared. He yelled, "It just spoke!"

Misty frowned and knocked him upside the head. "You always say the obvious, Rock!"

"P-Pikachu? Is that really you?" Ash gently asked, afraid he would hurt its feelings or something.

"Of course it's me, dummy," Pikachu replied. "Who else would it be? I was in your pokeball, wasn't I?" Pikachu turned around and he had a very angry expression on his face, like a banker would if they didn't get their cup of coffee in the morning.

"Pikachu!" Ash said, a little more than shocked. He couldn't believe that Pikachu was speaking, and talking to him in such a way. Weren't they best friends? Ash said, "What's wrong? What happened?" He was sure that Team Rocket had done something to Pikachu. What else would explain Pikachu suddenly speaking?

"What?" Pikachu yelled back in his super high-pitched chipmunk-resembling voice. "What do you want with me, Ash?" He frowned. Assuming it was supposed to intimidate the three humans, it actually looked very cute.

"I-I-I wanna' know what happened to you!" Ash said, shaking his hands like he was frustrated. "Why are you suddenly speaking?"

Pikachu frowned and dodged the wild Bidoof's attack. Still facing Ash, he used Discharge and the Bidoof was almost instantaneously fried. "Look, I'm kind of sick with you, Ash. Don't take this personally - well, actually, please do - you were super cool in the beginning but after a while, I just got bored. All we do is battle, battle, and battle. Why can't we do something fun every now and then?" Pikachu frowned cutely.

Misty refrained from giggling and snatching up Pikachu. She was shocked by Pikachu speaking, but she wasn't freaked out or anything. It wasn't her Pokemon that was talking like a human. Besides, if she touched Pikachu, she would probably get a taste of Thunderbolt. "Pikachu?" she acted like she was shocked, instead.

"What are you talking about?" Ash said, not believing anything Pikachu said. "We do fun stuff! Remember, we went on that fun cruise on S.S. Ann! You're not even answering my question!"

"No. Actually, YOU went on that cruise with your human friends. Not me. I was unfortunately stuck at that stupid daycare," Pikachu corrected, his invisible eyebrow twitching. He replied to his other question, "I don't have to answer any of your dumb inquiries, Ash."

"..."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. So... just leave me alone. I don't care about you anymore, Ash." Pikachu then turned tail and started to hop away into the tall grass. However, before he could really get anywhere, he was called back into his ball. A strange light appeared and he was sucked back. Ash held the pokeball in his hand and just stared at it.

"It's okay, Ash," Brock tried to comfort, even though he knew that his words were meaningless.

"No, it's not..."

"Ash..." Misty said, walking over and patting him on the back. "We'll find a way to fix Pikachu. It's probably Team Rocket, you know..."

Ash frowned. "Maybe it is Team Rocket... but they couldn't have changed his personality and how he felt about me, right? Is he really not my friend anymore? He seemed so mad..." He was thinking deeply.

**CHAK! CHAK! CHAK! **

The pokeball that was containing Pikachu suddenly burst open and the sound of clashing electricity could be heard. Pikachu had used Thunderbolt and was out of the pokeball. The capsule was shattered into many small pieces as it was scattered around Pikachu, who was on the ground and glaring at his master. "I fucking hate you," it said in its funny high voice. He bared his teeth, trying to look scary.

"P-Pikachu!" Ash was devastated. Now he was swearing?

Misty gasped again. Apparently, that was all she was capable of doing when she was in a very weird situation. Rock just looked on.

Pikachu sighed cutely. He mocked him, "Pikachu this! Pikachu that! Just shut up, Ash!" Pikachu looked seriously at him, not moving. It was like a staring contest.

"How could you say that?" Ash was about to cry. Seriously. "You fucking hate me?"

"I'm already speaking, so it shouldn't be that big of a surprise that I'm swearing."

Ash's bangs covered his eyes. He was silent, now. What was he thinking? Misty and Rock didn't say anything. They didn't want to make it any worse. After a while, Ash said, "Pikachu. Get back in your pokeball." The determined trainer opened another pokeball and held it in his hand, welcoming the furry ball of yellow.

"No." Pikachu turned his face away.

"Get. In. Here. Now." Ash was pissed, now.

"I don't want to! I don't have to! What do you think you can do to me, huh?"

"I'm your master."

"Not anymore." Pikachu stuck his tongue out. "Besides, I know all those times when you and Misty fucked each other!"

Ash's body went rigid. He wasn't expecting this. And... neither was Misty. Her mouth hung open in shock and embarrassment. Now Rock knew everything. Ash said, "Shut up, Pikachu!"

"Fine, fine, fine!" Pikachu shrugged his shoulders and waved his paws around. "Whatever. Don't listen to me since I'm just an animal... Well then," he opened his eyes, "I'm leaving. This is goodbye forever, Ash." Pikachu smirked evilly and hopped off.

"Ash!" Misty said, putting her hand out as if she could grab Pikachu back. "What are you doing? Pikachu's leaving!" She tried to shake off what Pikachu had just revealed to everyone. She was only thirteen. No thirteen-year-old should be taking dick in her pussy, ass, and in the mouth. Rock was having a slight nosebleed.

"Leave him be," Ash said, raising his head up now, glaring.

"You fucking wish!" Pikachu's high-pitched voice rang through-out the tall grass, and only the top of the rustling field showed where exactly Pikachu was heading for. He was going to Floaroma Town for honey, of course. It was a delicious treat for pokemon.

"Bastard..." Ash murmurred, angry and deeply hurt inside.

**Yeah, that was retarded =) But I HAD to write it. Like, seriously. I was like "What if Pikachu spoke?" and I thought about the things he'd say. At first, I thought that it could maybe be a story with chapters in it and make it so that Pikachu is so nice and stuff. But, after a while, I realized that I definitely wouldn't have the will and motivation to keep making fanfiction chapters for POKEMON. I'm talking about Pokemon. I mean, a play the game but Pokemon hentai/doujinshi...? I used to read that, but now it's just... **

**Well, anyway, please review! I wanna' know what you think about a potty-mouthed Pikachu! Lol, I thought it was kinda' cute x3 **


End file.
